So I put the above as my Facebook status today.Very briefly. I could not keep it any longer as speculations began to fly about the'cryptic' status; about whether I am drunk, what could have prompted that, if I meant what I said and a whole bunch of other things. I decided to delete it. Was hating the unwanted queries.
Now when I think of it, I wonder if that did not really make any sense. I thought it did. Because I really felt that way. But may be others don't. I am a little crazy any way.
But to justify the reason of such a 'rocket-science' status to myself, I need to go back to my flow of thoughts. It all started with an inconvenient truth. Its about absence, yours.
That is a truth. Universal. It is a fact I know, and I understand. The presence that was comforting me till a year back, had hit a road bump and stopped being there. The presence was too comforting to allow me to take it for granted. The consequences were inevitable.
The presence, of you, was too good a thing to be there forever. The luck, of me, was too bad to last forever. The dreams, ours, were too different to combine into a singular goal (Thanks for pointing that out :)
Yet, when I see you, I love you. When I do not, I love you even more. I can be choosy in seeing your images when you are not around. I can afford to do silly things and get away with them without pissing you off when you are not around. :P But wait, that's precisely why I want you around, all the time. To let me learn how not to piss you off, again.
That is never going to happen, you tell me. I understand that. I understand the reasons behind it. I understand that the sideways movement was far too strong for me to try working against it. I understand your comforting presence is never going to come back.
But somehow I can not accept it. That does not imply I have not tried. I have tried my best to do that. In as many ways possible. Even in ways that made me go further away from you. The vices crept in, and your brutal honestly could have been the only medicine. It was not to be. :)
Now before I drift away, let's go back to the beginning. I have a truth in front of me, which, if I accept, will only make me worse. Or I have the option of being unreasonable, live in a dreamworld and stay that way. And wait for a better alternative than dreams - a miracle. They do happen, you know. :)
Was my status really crazy? I don't think so.
