Excuses!!

I do make excuses for vices. And yes, I am kind of open about them. To you, at least.

Ever thought why? Because I want your aid to get me out of it. Because I think you are the only one who can help. Because you know you can help. Also, may be because I know you will know when I admit this?

Do I think you will help me out? You bet I do. Do I promise myself to get away off the vices with you around? Yes, of course!

There there! Here is the difference. I promise myself? No promise to you? No promise to anyone else? Proves the selfish theory once again? May be. :)

But yet beyond all of it lie I, I who is looking for the lost Gold. I, who thinks the Gold can be regained. And I, who thinks YOU are the alchemist. You know you are. You know the vices will vanish the moment I find the alchemy. In case you don't, KNOW NOW (and stop pretending) :P

Vices (or THE VICE) do not make me happy. In No way. I just need an excuse to get out, like losers do. :)

Get me out of the mud. Help me convert the mud into Gold. You do hear the plead, don't you?

The question

It is indeed the strangest and the most confusing question : When everyone else can see the "To Let", why do I only see the "Too Late?"

Love you: For your brutality!

So let's face it. There is no reason why I should love you, but yet I do. I know its clichéd, but do I love you for a reason, and the reason is love? Actually not, I love you for reasons, damn good reason, and guess what, the reasons are aplenty. Let me think of some of them then.

I love you because you are the most beautiful thing on earth (Am I treating women as a commodity? :P). Its strange you know, particularly in the world of Priyanka Chopras and oh yes, the Padukones. I often ponder about it, when I can not think of anyone who is even remotely close to being as beautiful as you are. Well, love truly is strange :)

I also love you for being you. I love you when you are brutally honest. I love it when you tell me how exactly you feel about things (I do argue, very often at that; but come on, its my nature. The Argumentative Indian, rings a bell?). And even when I genuinely disagree with you, I still respect your thoughts. I come across as arrogant, but let me assure you, I just want to express my viewpoint. Some psychologists will present my case as having the worst communication problem, I know :D

I love you because you made me famous. People know me because you have been there, because people appreciate my love for you. Palash Sen :"Mashhoor hoon mein....wajeh tu hain unhe maloom nahin." I owe you a big big thank you for that. And hey, that does make me accountable to you. I am indeed.

I love you because when I look at old pictures, my day is made. When the first display of public affection is still alive in stills, I love it. When I remember the way you blushed, I love it. When I revisit the thrill I had, I love you even more. Does that remind you of a train journey? I hope you remember :)

I love you because you know me. You, for some inexplicable reason, know it when I lie, when I am sad, and even when I hide stuff from you. How do you do it? Is that because you know the theory of keeping secrets, and being selective to the core? I love that. It proves you know me, like no one else, you do.

I love you when I remember that rainy evening, and that awesome walk. The single umbrella, the smile you had, and the candid admission of heavenly pleasure. Is there a better moment in my life? I seriously doubt.

I love you because you helped me see the world. You helped me know that there is a world beyond you. You made me experiment with the world. You helped me with your absence, you gave me a chance to miss you, like hell. And you helped me realize how desperately I want you, forever.

I love you because I can list thousands of other reasons why I love you. And I have the luxury of saving most of them for the next post. Trust me, not many people have that luxury.

But yes, I should say something you will love to end tonight. I love you because you have made it very clear that you are beyond my reach. You made me realize I made mistakes, terrible (fatal?) ones at that. I love you because you have made it brutally clear that I can dream, and dreams do not always come true. Neither do plans :)

In search of the truth - Me and my poet

My favorite poet has been murdered

He wanted to say

The newest things

He wanted to talk about

Soil and water

Fire

Wind

Vacuum

About mysteries

My favorite poet has been murdered,

because

He did not smile

He said all smiles are fake

He said the flowers in the garden, the tress in the front-yard

Want to go to the forest

He understood the pain of the flowers, of the trees

Of men

He said

No one wants light

No one wants the dark

Men are searching for men in the darkness of light

He spoke the unseen truth

That is why

My favorite poet has been murdered

His face has been butchered

His hands have been broken

His chest has been hit too heard to revive life

My favorite poet has been made to slept forever

Till now

He did not sleep

Did any one know

My favorite poet has been murdered

My favorite poet has been brutally murdered

And perhaps even I will be murdered some day

In such a Monday

Somewhere near the palace, before

The sun rises, because

Now everyone's aware

I too want to say new things

Day after day, night after night

Even I haven't slept

Have been searching through the dark and light, wanting to talk about

Soil

Water

Fire

Wind

Vacuum

and about mysteries

(Translated from Assamese poem "Xotyor anwexonot mur kobi aru moi," by Nileem Kumar)