Dream and frustrations

So, after quite a while, in a mood to blog again. But do I have anything new to say? Unfortunately, no. 

Change is the only constant, they say. I don't think so. In a monotonous routine, life is the only constant. 

So, the routine is - struggle to wake up early in the morning, somehow get up from bed, run to the bathroom, reach office, do your job, come back home, have a drink, eat and go to sleep. And meet people in between if schedules or conveniences permit. 

I know I am not alone in this, many of us have this same issue with life. What many do not carry is the frustration of not being able to get past a billboard without looking at the bold 'wrong way' sign. 

Am I complaining? No, I have stopped complaining long back. Its like my asthma. Initially when I found out I can't breath at times, I tried to look for ways to cure it. Later I realized it was incurable. I learnt to live with it. Me and my asthma co-exist now. Just like me and my quiet frustrations do. Just like I have learnt to laugh with people or laugh at myself on an innocent asthma joke, I also learnt to take the frustrations in my stride. 

Yet, you hope of a better life, you dream of living a dream. It may be an impossible dream, yet that motivates you. That adds some purpose to your monotonous life. If this dream sours like a broken glass, so be it, you will find a new dream.

Its strange how dreams change. That depends on what you think is remotely achievable.

Sample this. 

You are married to the woman you love. You Dream of being her son's father.

You are in a relationship, a genuine one. You dream of getting married or having sex.

You are trying to impress a girl you really love. You dream of getting into a relationship.

You need a partner. You dream of finding a girl.

The shift to one dream to another depends on what you achieve, and what you don't. 

That's life. You need to make the adjustments. And let frustrations sleep with you. :)

Love

For people like me, love is elusive. Always.

She does not have a heart of stone. No, she does not. In fact, she has a heart of Gold!

The problem is I do not have a mind. Even if I have one, I know not when and how to use it.

I am selfish. I want my love. And I don't care about her love. That's true. That's probably criminal, yet that's what it is.

Its amazing how just the sight of her makes me forget everything else, and just makes me fall in love all over again. I don't even remember how many times I have fallen in love. Always with her.

She has issues. Justified issues. The primary issue is me.

I wish I were a better man to suit her. But the issue is I have issues too. Despite that, I still hope against hope. Old habits die hard, you know.

I hate losing. I never lose a battle. People who know me know that as well. Its normal 2+2=4 that she thinks I pursue her because I hate losing her. Its beyond that. Its not that. I seek not her for I want to win, I seek her because that's the only thing I know.And I do a bad job at that.

I am totally shocked at the thought that we had so few good moments together. We fight, we complain and we stay away. Considering the amount of time we spent together, that's a scary thought. Kills your confidence that you will ever find someone to keep happy for all your life. ,

Yet, the sight of her gives me goosebumps. The solution is not that we stop meeting. Doesn't work. There is a thing called a dream, you know. But even in dreams, she remains elusive. Yet the love remains.

I know that I am impossible at times. Thankfully, the people I stay with are really awesome. Yes, we do fight, even silent fights at times, but we know each other. I work over hours, I don't help them cook, yet they  understand how things are.

But this post is about her. Lets talk of her. This morning I decided not to pursue this. As usual, that did not work. Never works.

I am convinced now. I have been told how it is. Yet, the elusive hope stays. It will go. Soon.

College kid!

Yes, I am a college kid!

I do things that college kids do, I like things that college kids do, I worship things that college kids do.

But hey, wasn't college fun?

Okay, let's begin from the beginning. :)
Isn't it a terrible feeling feeling that you come across as scary, hated or unreasonable? It is? Then let me tell you what is more terrible.
Its being immaterial. Its when you realize that you do not matter. The only thing that you probably want is for yourself to matter. And no, doesn't always happen.
Who do you have to blame? yourself! and others!

Its all about the time, I have realized. If you are having a smooth time, you are. If you are not, you ain't. The tragedy of life is that external forces impact interpersonal relations like nothing else does, no?

Lost love is not a big deal. Lost significance is!